free to be

…“Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music & rhythm & grace & song & laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh & the living colors of the earth & sky & sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love, love?”


--Ragamuffin Gospel

















There’s a young woman at church whom I have never spoken to. I do not know her name. She comes regularly with her family, and they always take their seats near the front of the congregation. If I had to guess, I would say that she appears to be in her early teens; she is not one who blends in with the crowd. There is nothing average or ordinary about this girl. To judge by appearances, one may recognize that she has some cognitive delays but that’s not what makes her extraordinary. She has a spirit to her that sparkles. She has no idea, as she takes her seat, that 5, 10, or 15 rows back I take notice of her and I find myself grateful, once again, just to be in her presence. Her joy infects me. When the music starts? She jumps up from her seat when they ask us to stand; it’s almost as if it was taking everything in her to stay seated. She rocks and sways as we sing…hands clapping on beat, off beat and every beat in between. She sings to her own melody without care or consideration for what the person beside her is doing. There’s no volume control. If her heart is happy the Lord knows it and so do we. And her family? There’s no sideways glance at their neighbor as if to say, ‘so sorry, we apologize for our daughter’s unrestrained behavior’. They choose to sit in the front of the church without apology. It’s the most amazingly beautiful worship I’ve seen to date. Sometimes, when I’m close enough to hear, I close my eyes and silence myself and listen to this young woman sing. I imagine what it would be like to look down from heaven. One girl rocking and swaying in the middle of hundreds; unafraid to worship and love our Creator with unrestrained joy and abandon. This is not to say that she’s not surrounded by hundreds of people who are equally passionate about loving and praising the Lord. But, she moves me because I see in her what I long to experience for myself.

…"We have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous dispositions or our heroic life of prayer. My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.” --Ragamuffin Gospel

I'm praying that I'll grow to experience and know the freedom that has already been won on my behalf. There's a war waging within me; a war between my spirit and my flesh. But God is big--bigger than the battles and His love is always enough. I don't want or need to wait on heaven to worship with abandon-He desires it in the here and now--and honestly, my heart craves it. Every week--or every few weeks--I get a picture of what that freedom looks like. It comes in the package of one young girl; completely unaware of her ministry. Oh, to experience the fullness and richness of life as God intends. To bask in the knowledge that we are deeply loved by God. What, then, shall I fear?