free to be

Mark 1:29-38

And when evening had come, after the sun had set they began bringing to Him all who were ill and those who were demon possessed. And the whole city had gathered at the door. And He healed many who were ill with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He was not permitting the demons to speak, because they knew who He was. And in the early morning, while it was still dark, He arose and went out and departed to a lonely place, and was praying there. And Simon and his companions hunted for Him; and they found Him and said to Him, “Everyone is looking for You;” And He said to them, “Let us go somewhere else to the towns nearby, in order that I may preach there also; for that is what I came out for.

Day 1 of Clinic 2.5.2007

We arrived at clinic and found a crowd of people gathered by the building where we would later triage patients. They waited patiently as our team dispersed and set up each of our individual areas. I was nervous. After all of the stories I had heard about previous trips all I could think and silently pray was “please, God, don’t put me in triage…anywhere, but triage.” I had heard one too many stories about the escalating tensions of the crowds and of last year’s triage nurses having to jump out of a window to get away from desperate people. That day, as we gathered our supplies and set up, we got our assignments. “Megan and Morgan” (drum roll please), you two will be in…
triage!

Funny, how that works.
And so, Morgan and I, the two newbies, took our respected places in triage. Thankfully, the day went smoothly. No jumping out windows. No gun shots to quiet the crowds. Just a peaceful day. At the start of the day, 500 people were ‘pre-registered’ by the clinic to be seen by us. As we closed up shop at the end of that very same day, the number was 1600. Word obviously travels fast. Even in Yabelo.

As the day progressed, we saw a lot of non-specific aches and pains as well as parasites, viral infections, and sick, sick babies. I got my first taste of the local EMS services: people came by way donkey, or make shift stretchers, or even in the arms of others. I saw the face of AIDS in adults and in babies. I’m sure it’s true, that much progress has been made in Africa regarding awareness and preventative teaching but it’s still very real and rampant, killing generations of people; it is still wrought with stigma; and leading officials still try to sweep it and it’s victims, under the carpet.

At the end of clinic today I was feeling overwhelmed. If I’m honest, maybe even a bit angry. Definitely, I was feeling disconnected from myself and from God. From time to time as we worked today, I found myself staring into a sea of people; the sickest people (collectively) that I’ve ever before seen. I began to feel almost as if we were teasing them with our team of health professionals and our meds. They don’t know, I thought silently, that we can only give them a months worth of medication. They don’t know, we can’t make the serious stuff go away. Someone needs to tell those who are walking miles-or for days-to turn back. That it’s not worth it; that there’s nothing we can do.

And then, just when I needed it most: the devotion for today. A cup of cool water to a thirsty soul. Mark chapter 1. Sam read the above scripture to us and emphasized a few important truths.
1. Christ healed many, when with one word He could have healed them all. Instead he chose to heal some, one on one; with compassion and love.
2. He took time away to be alone and to pray. Even in the midst of desperate needs and many desperate people He took time to be alone with God. He chose to connect when it might have seemed inconvenient-or possibly even seemingly less important than healing the sick.
3. As the people and the needs multiplied, Christ makes the decision to leave that town and to travel to another. Why? To preach the Good News…”for that is why I came”.

Today, I mistakenly and pridefully saw myself as a nurse-and my team, as a mere handful of medical professionals. I got preoccupied with treating the physical manifestations of disease. I was overwhelmed that we could not rise above the need; that we could not catch our breath for there were too many out stretched hands. It’s no wonder I became discouraged, disillusioned, angry. I am not God; a glaringly obvious truth but despite it all, I seem to frequently need reminding. God, I am not, but I am His: chosen for this time and this place-and He is a God who is big enough to heal all with one word. He may not; we may come and go at the end of these two weeks and barely make the tiniest dent in the way of physical disease, aches and pains. But hopefully we will leave the fragrance of Christ. And hopefully we will be vessels that can be used to touch lives for eternity.

We are here as disciples of Christ. We are here to love. Above all, and if nothing else, we come to proclaim the Good News. We have nothing to offer these people that’s of any consequence apart from Him. So let the people come; I was mistaken. Don't let them turn back. We come by the grace and power of His Spirit to offer a cup of cool, life-giving water to desperately thirsty souls.