free to be

Last week I read by way of email, those dreaded words, “she found a lump”. I filed the words away because some things just can’t be true. My brother informed me that last Friday was the date of the lumpectomy, including a biopsy of her lymph nodes. Again, I couldn’t bring myself to call. No news is good news, right?

Growing up Chris and I, became permanent extensions of this family. We spent our weekdays, holidays, vacations, and sick days under her roof. She had 4 kids of her own-all older than us. They were my idols growing up…I permed my hair to look like theirs, I did my bangs big and stiff just like theirs…I memorized lyrics to the songs they loved. It was fun to be with them-and somehow they always seemed to make room for us.

She delighted in us: in all of her ‘kids’. She’s the kind of person who cries at commercials; or at a simple homemade card. She’s a person who always put herself last-and never complains. Laughter always comes easy. She makes a big deal out of seemingly little achievements. I remember, at 14 years old, standing at the top of her stairs after I found out my grandma died. I had that shell shocked sort of look-even though it was anything but a surprise. My grandma was my best friend but I wanted so badly to appear okay. That day, she did all kinds of little things to make me feel special. She knew what I needed when my heart was sad. Sick days? Throwing up? Strep Throat? All of those illnesses were remedied in part, on her couch.

Today, I bit the bullet and picked up the phone. I knew it would be okay-it had to be. And much to my relief, the news was good: the cancer is not in her lymph nodes and the surgery removed the mass, whole. She’s about to start radiation and hormone therapy but I have a feeling she’ll walk through it with the same grace she’s known for.

It had been a long time since we talked; too long when it comes to someone who means so much. And when I hung up the phone I realized there was so much I didn’t say. So this is for you, Nancy-for your heart, your strength, your tenderness and your courage.
We love you!!